On November 24, 1738, the printer of the Virginia Gazette published this diatribe against Quakers. Religious intolerance, even against "tolerated" dissenters, was then rampant across the British Atlantic world, but enmity against Quakers reached something of a pitch in Williamsburg among the less enlightened sort of Anglicans when Quakers were exempted by law from military service (although they still had to furnish a substitute, which was hardly a proper accommodation). In the midst of all that, William Parks came across these venomous lines and chose to publish them.
Instructions how to make a perfect QUAKER
FIRST, take a handful of the Herb of Deceit, and a few Leaves of Folly, and a little of the Rose of Vain-Glory, with some of the Buds of Envy, and a few Blossoms of Malice, with a few Formality Flowers, and a Spring or Two of idle Conceit; take some of the Seeds of Pride, and some of the Seeds of Hypocrisy, and some Seeds of forbidden Pleasure, and some of the Bark of Self-Will, an put them altogether into a Mortar of Defiance, and pound them with a Pestle of Head-Strong Wood: Also take an Ounce of Ill-Manners, and Three Quarters of an Ounce of Cheat-Seed, a good Quantity of the Roots of Ambition, and the Pith of Self-Conceit, together with some Plumbs that grow on Runagate Hill, and some of the Grapes that grow in the Suburbs of Sodom, and some of the Spice of Babylon; and then take these Twenty-Sorts, and stew them altogether in a stony-hearted Jugg; over the fire of cold Zeal, and pour in a little of the Water of the Wild Fountain; and when they are all simmer'd and soak'd together enough, grate in a little Folly-Powder, and strain it through a Cloth of Vanity, and look every Morning thro' a Spout of Ignorance, and in a little Time it will raise the Spirit, and you will quake, and shake, and smite on your Breast, and so you will become a perfect Quaker.